MaMizia's Euphoria

Forever

2011-11-27T15:03:00.005-08:00

I finished reading the last book of the Shiver series and there I found a few things which I think were brilliantly phrased. A few paragraphs here:

When I started everything, and by everything, I mean life , suicide was a joke. If I have to ride in that car with you, I'll slash my wrists with a buter knife. It was as real as a unicorn. No, less real than it. It was as real as the explosion around an animated coyote. A hundred thousand people threaten to kill themselves everyday and make a hundred thousand other people laugh, because like a cartoon, it's funny and meaningless. Gone even before you turn off the TV.

Then it was like a disease. Something other people got, if they lived someplace dirty enough to get the infection under their nails. It was not a pleasant conversation,Cole, and like the flu, it only killed the weak. If you'd been exposed, you didn't talk about it. Wouldn't want to put other people off their feed.

It wasn't until high school that it became a possibility. Not an immediate one, not like It is a possibility I will download this album because the guitar is so sick it makes me want to dance, but possibility in the way that some people said when they grew up, they might be a firemanor an astronaut or an accountant who works late every single weekend while his wife has an affair with the guy who drives the DHL truck. It became a possibiltiy like Maybe when I grow up, I will be dead.

Life was a cake that looked good on the bakery shelf but turned to sawdust and salt when I ate it. - Cole (Forever, Maggie Stiefvater)

Busy bee!!!

2010-12-09T15:05:00.000-08:00

It's been like absolutely ages since I wrote something here!!! Sooo busy with college, Student Union and all that these days that I don't even get to sleep properly- let alone write on my diary, read novels and watch movies/tv!

This is getting annoying now! Need to learn how to manage time. And the fact that I have to spend at least 2 hours on travelling does exacerbate the situation because I already am a slowpoke! Right-o! That was just me talking insanely (ha!- like I ever talk sense!)

Sooooo the British Government did the voting about the education cut today. Thanks a lot David Cameron, Nick CLegg and all their bitches for that. Because of you, a lot of Britons will only be FE qualified- where the eff is the 'specific, skilled, adaptable' manpower? My friends and I were talking about how the universities might have to be shut down within a few years because there won't be many students applying.

But atleast we- the students- tried! We marched, we protested- so okay-- some got violent but that shows how angry the students are. Wish someone had thrown a decaying vegan cake on David Cameron's face! Seriously, Tory really are scums! :/ All that fox hunting issue, EMA cut, uni fees and what not.

And now that it's past 11 and I have college pretty early tomorrow- I gotta go hit the hay. I'm that knackered! If only I could copy all this and paste it on my (paper) diary!!! :) I really ought to apologize to her for not being able to write!

So it has ended

2010-10-13T12:49:00.001-07:00

He once said 'I won't leave you but I hope you won't too'
That's when I thought - this is it!
He's deffo the one.
We met, it wasn't quite what I expected to be honest
But I pushed that though aside
thinking 'You don't always get what you want'
All that 'hug-me-from-behind' scenes are in movies
You won't be hugged and kissed all the time.
But I guess I was happy with what we had.
I focused more on what I had rather
than what he didn't give me.

And now that we've split,
(Was it a mutual decision or was I the one who got dumped?
He said he still finds me attractive n all that but
it wasn't working out- we both knew
Only he had the guts to point it out)
I think what's left to look forward to?
Is there any point switching my phone on at all anymore?
Apart from college, what else have I got?
There ought to be a way somewhere.
Am I sad because he left me
or is it because I've no one to talk to?

Either he never loved me
or he loved me enough to let me go.
But thinking about all that now,
I guess I can say it was the first one.
When he said 'I love you', I guess he never meant it'
and it was only me pretending it was all okay
though I knew deep in my heart,
that it wasn't- it never was.
Only I wanted to keep it that way.

13.10.2010

SHAC 'Financial Focus' week of action - Email alert

2010-09-18T13:33:00.001-07:00

Please send them e-mails!!!

Email alert 1 - Fortress Investment Group
===============================

Please do feel free to write your own letter or otherwise use the sample letter below.

SAMPLE LETTER

Dear Sir/Madam

I am writing to you in relation to a $70 million loan that has been provided to Huntingdon Life Sciences (HLS) via your Drawbridge Special Opportunities Fund. Without this loan HLS could not remain open and therefore Fortress are in large part responsible for the cruel and violent actions going on inside HLS. The fact that Fortress had set up a front company in Luxembourg called Anchor Sub Funding shows that a lot of effort had been put into keeping thisloan secret, presumably to stop HLS' horrific record of cruelty, violence and law breaking from tarnishing Fortress' reputation.

HLS have a long history of violence; they were most famously exposed in 1997 when channel 4 TV filmed workers punching beagle puppies in the face. In 2005 ex-workers spoke out about cruelty they had witnessed and in 2008 AnimalDefenders International went undercover inside HLS exposing cruel primate experiments and disgusting conditions. HLS also have a track record of lawbreaking and manipulation of data. During just one primate study, HLS broke the law 526 times; and workers have been caught taking drugs and drinking onsite. To see more about these exposes please look at: http://www.shac.net/HLS/exposed.html

I am urging you to explore all get out clauses in this loan and reel it in. I also urge you to raise these issues with everyone you can within the company and do everything in your power to halt your support of Huntingdon Life Sciences.

Please raise this issue at any meetings you attend, and let all your colleagues know the truth about HLS.

For further information, please visit: www.shac.net

Yours faithfully,
[YOUR NAME]

===

All emails in this alert (in blocks of 20)

wedens@fortressinv.com, pbriger@fortressinv.com,rkauffman@fortressinv.com, rnardone@fortressinv.com,mnovogratz@fortressinv.com, rhaass@fortressinv.com, dbass@fortressinv.com,djacobs@fortressinv.com, hrubin@fortressinv.com, tshibata@fortressinv.com,gwellde@fortressinv.com, mpolidoro@fortress.com, meggenberg@fortress.com,ssilvers@fortress.com, legaldepartment@fortressinv.com,ukfrontdesk@fortress.com, wkonops@fortress.com, wkonops@fortressinv.com,Idonohue@fortress.com, grunte@fortress.com

peinvestors@fortress.com, creditinvestors@fortress.com,liquidinvestors@fortress.com, opportunities@fortress.com, jobs@fortress.com,cmcwilliam@fortressinv.com , josephadams@fortressinv.com,jonathanashley@fortressinv.com, williamcallanan@fortressinv.com,alexandercook@fortressinv.com, constantinedakolias@fortressinv.com,andrewdempsey@fortressinv.com, williamdoniger@fortressinv.com,judedriscoll@fortressinv.com, marcfurstein@fortressinv.com,kennethgershenfeld@fortressinv.com, adamlevinson@fortressinv.com,andrewmcknight@fortressinv.com, petermcteague@fortressinv.com,thomaspulley@fortressinv.com

petersmith@fortressinv.com, allisonthrush@fortressinv.com,anthonytufariello@fortressinv.com, jarettwait@fortressinv.com,nfinke@fortress.com, brucesnider@fortressinv.com,stephencharlton@fortressinv.com, gmconf@fortress.com, kevintreacy@fortress.com,anywong@fortress.com, ianschnider@fortress.com, christopherlinkas@fortress.com,alielam@fortress.com, davidkelleher@fortress.com, josephadams@fortress.com,joelholsinger@fortress.com, donhanna@fortressinv.com,

info@drawbridgepartners.com, markwhiting@drawbridgepartners.com,markpearson@drawbridgepartners.com, michaelembree@drawbridgepartners.com,charlesmceachron@drawbridgepartners.com, brandilewis@drawbridgepartners.com,jamesoverell@drawbridgepartners.com

--SENDING EMAILS IN BULK:

1. Some emails in the large blocks below will bounce. WHY? They are obtainedfrom sources that haven't been updated. Or they are disabled, filtered orblocked in response to ongoing campaigns.

Thankyou!!!

For the love of Chris's cupcakes!!

2010-09-05T15:58:00.001-07:00

It’s nearly twelve (midnight)
And though I said I’d go to bed early tonight,
Coz my college starts from tomorrow again
I couldn’t resist writing something for a lovely friend
Though he lives far far away in Sweden
He’s managed to make me salivate.
Oh don’t get me wrong- lol- haha!
It’s his cupcakes that I’m talking about ;)

There on his facebook, is an album
Where he’s kept a pic of what he’s made himself.
The texture- the colour lovely brown
The yummy-looking muffin, with chocolate spread on top.
Making it even lovelier, strawberries n ermm.. blackberries?!
And it’s vegan! No cow had to suffer and neither did their babies
So, compassionate people like me n him can eat it without feeling guilty!

Now that I’ve written a poem-like thing looking
At the cupcake he’s baked so perfectly,
I’m sure Chris would let me taste one
When he comes to London again.
Until then, I shall look at the pic
And fantasize about eating it again and again!

(For my dear fren Chris Larsson who makes amazing cupcakes!! But the part about me salivating was exaggeration- I'm not that greedy lol!) <3

Back to college!!

2010-09-04T14:06:00.000-07:00

Soooooo here I am again!!! Back to blogspot!!!

I can't believe Summer's over! (Well summer holidays, to be precise!) I mean- there I was worried about what I was gonna do for 3 long months! N look what happened??? I did nothing!!! I couldn't find a job, I didn't do any ahem exercise, I did NOTHING AT ALL! Well that's what my family thinks, anyway.

But guess what? I have been active this summer! I've attended quite a few SHAC demos and AV Day London so I have done things for animals so I HAVE NOT WASTED MY SUMMER!!!!!! I am glad of what I did! Apart from being a keyboard warrior for the animals (crossposting petitions after signing them, sharing videos and all that about animals) on facebook, I also went to shout slogans and use the megaphone!

My last demo was yesterday and because of that my voice is husky now. Though my family doesn't know the reason behind this huskiness ;) They told me to drink some hot water with some ermm... spices (herbal remedy for sorethroat) but hehe- I know why it's like this n it's not because of sore throat! :) Oh.. n the reason why my family do not know about my AR involvement. They don't want me to get involved in Animal Rights so I have to do all those secretly! What they don't know won't hurt them!

What did you do this Summer? Anything for animals? Something else secretly without telling your family (like me?)

Okayyy--- I'm gonna have to stop now. If you find any typo, sorry... :p I'm a bit tipsy atm (all that wine lol) n I was bored! The person I wanted to talk to wasn't online so yeah! <3 <3 Love ya'll!!!!

'For the animals we fight! Until every cage is empty n every soul free'

SHAC protest

2010-07-15T16:19:00.000-07:00

A video I made using the raw footages taken from my cell. My first project in Adobe Premiere Pro and that too done without any help! I know it's pretty crap but lol- at least I did it!!! ;) Had only used Final Cut Pro and Premiere Element before. Lemme know what u think of it! ty!! :D Xxx

Life After College

2010-07-15T16:15:00.000-07:00

We'd done this as our BTEC Media assignment in college. Xx

Anti-fur trade demo- Harrods

2010-05-22T13:28:00.000-07:00

Me(s)

2010-05-16T11:32:00.000-07:00

I wrote these series of poems about an imaginary MPD patient. A psychology student myself, I have always been fascinated by MPD (Multiple Personality Disorder)! Whether this disorder is unfeigned or feigned, it still is an intriguing topic on which books have been written and movies made. I don’t think I’ve done a nice job… but still I hope you’ll go through them once =)

Chapter 1- The Beggining
*This one might seem vague but this is exactly how I want this first poem to sound. The persona is totally amazed and bewildered at the things happening to her and the feelings she’s experiencing. The reader will find this piece rather meaningless and mystifying… =)
____

After going through
That entire trauma,
There was no way
I could survive as a whole.

They came to rescue me
But they were dwelling
Inside me
My friends (me-myself)
Began coming frequently.

By the time it was all over,
I was no longer myself
Still I was me!
I was cut, I was ripped
Into many pieces
But I was whole
Yet not complete.
I had myself
Yet I no longer owned me…

Chapter 2- The Therapy
*This one might be a little less confusing. But it still might not make sense to those who are not familiar with MPD! In this one, the persona talks about her alter(s)- the different personalities present inside her.
____

Never did I believe MPD was real,
The whole thing sounded so surreal.
But now I know it exists,
I, myself, am its victim.

I have in me-Lara- 22 year old- artist,
She paints lovely pictures.
In me dwells Lizzie, 19- she’s got
A wonderful voice and she sings
While Amy-20- plays the piano.
There are Ashley and Anna- both 4 years old-
They want to become writers
But they are only learning
Spelling!
I am Laurie- 24 year old-
A beautician.

So now, you’ve met me
You’ve been introduced to
My five alters too.
These alters emerged at different times
At those situations which I couldn’t handle…

We are together but
We are separated.
The doctor says
The time will come when
He’ll make us one.
I can sense that
The day is coming soon!

Chapter 3- Recovered!
*The last part!! Laurie has been reunited with Lara, Lizzie, Amy, Ashley and Anna. She is now normal but she still believes she’ll be troubled. Nevertheless, she has embraced the improvement and longs to start her life again!
______

I was weak I know,
Yet I survived somehow.
With this pain I’ve grown,
But I have now moved on.

My past may still haunt me,
I may wake up screaming,
I may act in mime sometime
But I know I’ve become strong with time.
I’ve cut those old strings
I am now somewhat free.

I’ve learnt how to handle myself
But there was no way to do so without help.
Though tears blur my vision time and again,
I am finally able to control them…

-mizla

Unknown forever

2010-05-16T11:17:00.000-07:00

Out in the garden, I stand silently,
Feel my hair being touched by the wind gently.
I look around and admire.
I take in all the things I see.
The green grass, fruits and flowers.
The sky with white clouds floating by.

So Calm, it seems, everything around me.
For a while, the Earth looked misery-free
but I know, somehwere out there
are sad, innocent beings so scared.
The cows and cattle who can never
graze on the green grass.
Birds who can't flap their wings on windy days,
pigs that won't get to see the blue sky.

In the farms, they're there
Locked inside, awaiting their terrible fates.
Shot-guns, pain and batery cages.
With no space to move,
their lives must be worse than hell.
Animals in atrocious factory farms.
Never will they see what I'm seeing now.
Unknown will remain, the god-gifted nature
Darkness, tears, steelbars- the things they'll see.
Sadness, pain, torture- the only feelings they'd feel.

Humans to them are the heartless monsters
for they'd never know, people like me exist.

-mizla

*Going to send this for AnimalAid Poetry Competition... :)

Caged forever...

2010-05-05T12:53:00.001-07:00

Yet another sun pops out
I curse it for brightening the lab,
For a new day means new pain
But I curse myself even more
As I didn't die the night before.

Better dead than painfully alive.
Today's yet another day for torture,
Chemicals, current, cuttings,
Blood, bandages, blindness,

they'll leave me howling with pain,
Along with my many trapped friends.
'Lil silly useless chimp', they call me
They laugh at me
Oblivious to them, I suffer and cry silently.

Somewhere in faraway jungle,
My mother must've been looking
for me, hoping

Hoping that I'd be back.
The only thing she has of me
are the golden memories.
I hope she's still free out in the wild,
Not in a cage, trapped like me...

-mizla, 2010

wdail

2010-04-28T05:12:00.000-07:00

world day for animals in laboratories march, 24 april 2010

2010-04-28T05:10:00.000-07:00

I'm here as well!!! :)

WDAIL Saturday 24th April 2010

2010-04-28T05:08:00.000-07:00

I'm here!!! I can also see my frens! :) :) :) It was a lovely lovely lovely day!!! :D :D :D

My Mehendi Madness!!

2010-03-26T07:59:00.001-07:00

Rendezvous!

2010-03-13T15:36:00.001-08:00

I made this white board animation on the concept of 'rendezvous' as an animation assignment. I thought of 'Dinosaur meets a man' because dinosaurs used to rule the world before we were originated and were the ‘most powerful’ ones that ever lived and humans are considered to be the ‘most intelligent’ beings ever created. I wanted to show (in a simple way) how I think, these two leaders would react when they finally come across each other.

Davis & White perform their Indian OD

2010-03-12T06:46:00.000-08:00

I've changed! wahooo!!!!

2010-03-12T05:50:00.000-08:00

I’ve been thinking lately about how much I’ve changed. And to be honest, I’m surprised to find how very different I am now when compared to what I used to be when I was a kid. An online animal activist now who hates the idea having to eat meat (which I think is murder; actually it is murder!), I used to like tasting different kinds of meat when I was a little girl. I used to try to eat as many animals as I could- not that I loved meat but I simply wanted to boast in front of my friends about what kind of animals I’ve eaten! I haven’t had a lot of different animals though... Let me see: pork, beef, lamb, hen, duck, crab, fish, prawn, deer and a few other sea creatures. Oh my god! That’s quite a lot, eh? :( Now I don’t though! I’m actually thinking to go vegan after a few years and I know that’s going to be really hard but I don’t want to do anything with animal cruelty (not after all that videos I’ve watched and those things I’ve read and my online animal activism and involvement in peta2 and petitions!).

I used to admire my mum’s handbags and purse made with snake/ crocodile’s skin and her clothing which had fur and leather. I wanted to have similar things when I was big but now, I know what it’s all about! I haven’t used items that were prepared by killing and torturing animals and I know I never will. Have you heard of live-skinning of animals for their skin? Have you tried watching those videos? Yeah- right! Why would you try to watch them when you know it’s not a pleasant thing to watch? But you do know that by ignoring what’s happening in this world and just covering your eyes to not watch them doesn’t improve anything!

I’ve seen a buffalo being slaughtered life in this place called Basantapur Durbar Square in Nepal (live) when I was 9 years old and I was proud that I was ‘strong’ enough to watch the killing while my friends and cousins and many family members weren’t. I remember myself proudly describing the scene in front of my whole class. During the Dashain festival, I had seen hundreds of slaughtered heads of buffaloes in Taleju Temple in Kathmandu and I actually observed the whole thing. Heads piled on top of each other and surprisingly, I didn;t quite feel anything.

I get sick when I see blood these days and I absolutely cannot bear to hear or think about animals being killed or sacrificed. Woah!! What am I writing? Should I or should I not post this? Well... at least you’ll know that animal activist weren’t born as ‘animal activists’! N you can help protect those animals too... Please think about it! You can change!

The world needs more love and compassion and yes, I know you know it!! x

Sarah Phillips: Tribute to her dying mother "Autumn by Paolo Nutini"

2010-03-09T02:24:00.000-08:00

Web-designing Links

2010-03-08T02:41:00.000-08:00

hellooooooo!

I'm finally posting something that is NOT related to Animal issues.... so here you go... Some links that you will find helpful if you're interested in Webdesigning! My teacher gave me those links:

Against Animal Cruelty!

2010-03-07T23:00:00.000-08:00

Make personalized gifts at Zazzle.

Donate without spending a penny!

2010-03-04T12:27:00.001-08:00

Hey there!

How would you like to donate money for the welfare of animals to PETA or Peta2 without spending a penny? Well, I love the idea... especially because I'm a student and I don't really earn money! (But I've already made up my mind to donate pounds after I get a proper job.)

You can download Peta2 toolbar from the link below and everytime you search using this search tab, you'll be donating money to the organization to help the animals. Good, eh? So.... why don't you download it now?

Peta2

Also, if you're on facebook....

FaceBook Peta2

take care! xoxo

'The world needs more love and compassion...'

Too much?

2010-03-03T04:19:00.002-08:00

Hey!

You might somehow get to my blog and see all those videos that I've posted about animal cruelty and read similar articles and think 'Jeez! What the hell? The blog is called 'euphoria' and this girl posts only the sad things!'

Haha! When I first thought about the blog, I did want it to be a happy one and I liked the name I'd chosen for it: Mamizia's Euphoria. I mean, I still like the name- I think it's lovely! So... okay, watching these videos hurt. And it hurts bad- and you know that and hence,many of you don't even watch it! But hey, the world isn't a happy place! Not all the time and not everywhere, anyway.

There are some cruel things happening at the moment while I'm sitting here in this chair trying to get my thoughts and emotions out of my head for you to read and understand. I am writing these things to spread the messages and this is a happy feeling. I'm sharing with you what I know and whether you think about it and learn or whether you don't, depends on you. And its fine with me! It's your life- you do what you want to do with it.

Thanx..... xx

'The world need more love and compassion and you know it!'

Meet you Meat (from PetaTV)

2010-03-03T04:19:00.001-08:00

Chew On This (from PETA TV)

2010-03-03T04:08:00.001-08:00

The Secret to Teen Power

2010-03-03T03:58:00.001-08:00

Some thoughts...

2010-03-02T05:53:00.000-08:00

Eyoooo!!

This time, I’m not posting my story or my poem. Will do that later! I am now in the Learning Centre (library) and it’s my free-time. Yeah, right: I’m doing some work here instead of chilling out with my friends... but I know I’m doing something productive and that makes me feel good! I’ve been going through Peta2 and other websites dedicated to animal welfare. I’m also collecting photos and other things to prepare a banner/placard for the 'Rally against Vivisection' on 24th April. I’ve already shared, with you guys, about this event. Well yes, I know it’s a way too early to start making it (it's only 2nd of March!)but- the sooner the better, right? Okay--- I admit I’m very excited about this.

So now I’ll tell you why I’m writing this ‘soliloquy’ here. I watched a few videos yesterday yet again. They were about live-skinning of animals for fur, skin and leather, animal testing videos which showed animals whining in pain, the cruel murdering of pigs, cows, hens and ducks for meat. I might have already mentioned but I always cry when I see them- I mean, who doesn’t? It’s really heartbreaking; I don’t know how people can do all that to those innocent creatures that have done nothing to them. Can they not hear those animals' silent pleas and see their tears?

While I was about to fly away to my ‘dream world’ last night, I thought about those animals who at that moment was living in cramped cages. I thought ‘I’ll soon get warm and cozy under my duvet but what about those animals?’ Do they even sleep? Can they close their eyes and calm down when they know that the place they're living in is hell. I thought, they must be shivering at the thought of what is going to happen the next day. They must be cursing themselves for carrying that kind of fate and cursing the human race for inflicting so much pain on them. It hurts. I think about all this and I start crying all over again. Many of those animals who were alive last night are already murdered. I can do nothing for them but write about them like this, sign online petitions, share videos and links here, on FB and myspace to raise awareness and be a vegetarian. But at least I am doing something. And I shall carry on all this for them.

Please think about it! There are so many things happening in this world that we are unaware of and some simply choose to ignore about them. The world needs more love and compassion and we all know that! :'(

Animal-testing

2010-03-01T15:04:00.000-08:00

Animal Testing breaks hearts! Don't be a heartbreaker!!

Buy one; Kill one (get a dog from shelter instead!)

2010-03-01T12:56:00.000-08:00

World Day for Animals in Laboratories

2010-03-01T12:52:00.000-08:00

On Saturday April 24th 2010 campaigners from across the country, as well as many from overseas, will be gathering in London to mark World Day for Animals in Laboratories. Following a rally in Cavendish Square, close to Oxford Circus, we will be marching through the centre of London, past some of the busiest places in the world, Regent St, Piccadilly Circus and Trafalgar Square taking the anti-vivisection message to tens of thousands of people. Then onto Whitehall, past Downing St and to the Houses of Parliament where we will be calling for an end to all animal experiments once and for all.

Please keep this date free and join us on 24th April, and let's make our voices heard as we call for "Justice for the Animals".

The link: http://www.wdail.org/

Heart ‘full’ of grief on the Fooling day

2010-03-01T12:30:00.000-08:00

It was the first day of the new month and the sky was very cloudy. I’d never liked the scorching sun but on this cumulous day, I did have some kind of premonition. My car was running smoothly though quite fast. I was heading back home after a light lunch with my boyfriend, Liam, who’s 25 (a year older than me). We’d first met at a wedding party of my cousin 3 years ago and have been together since then. He is a well established businessman (though really young!) with charming looks and a good prestige in the society. My parents have no problem with him and his mother likes me too. His father had left him and his mother when he was only five for another woman (to show off his virility-ha!): Liam was hence deprived of his father’s love since an early age. Nevertheless, he did outstandingly well in everything- sports, education and now- business. Within these years we spent together, I discovered he was a really nice person with a great sense of humor and I had no regrets about falling in love with him…

My parents told me often that they thought he was the right guy for me. I knew they had and Liam’s mother had started thinking secretly about getting me married to him though they hadn’t talked to me about it yet. The traffic light turned red suddenly, I forced my car to come to a halt. Unexpectedly, my eyes caught someone stumbling on the footpath and it was no other than my ex-boyfriend. How could I ever forget Suhit, my first love, my first date? Although it had been almost six years since we’d parted, I still remember his kind eyes, gentle voice and those warm hugs. Although I no longer loved him; I still felt something for him (maybe it’s true when they say 1st love is always special). I came to know he was intoxicated because of his unsteady movements. He was trying to cross the road but was obviously finding it difficult- not because of traffic but because he wasn’t completely conscious. I could do nothing but watch him sadly and remember my past – our past.

We had been good friends since we were both four- we were in same school. There was some kind of likeness between us then. When he asked me out in grade 8, I immediately accepted. We then started dating each other and turned into couples from ‘very good friends’. Days were easy when he was with me, I was unsure what this feeling was – teenagers can’t distinguish between love and infatuation and since I was no different, it was the same with me. But I enjoyed the feeling of having a boyfriend. ‘I am so lucky to get someone like you’, I used to say and see him smile that lovely grin at my comment. He was caring, smart, honest, trustworthy, handsome; he had all the qualities that attract me. A year passed by and we were in Grade 9 when he’d started smoking. I tried my best to stop him and I succeeded (for a short period); he didn’t touch cigarettes until we passed SLC.

We both got admitted in the same college, it was then when he started smoking again. His parents were living abroad and the rest of his family didn’t quite bother about his habits. ‘I know you don’t like it Ziya, but come on: everyone smokes nowadays’. I used to keep quiet with a silent hope that he’d someday quit the habit himself but this didn’t happen. The situation got exacerbated in our second year because he began taking drugs. I tried too hard to get him out of this disgusting habit, ‘I don’t want to see you ruin yourself like this, Suhit. Why don’t you understand? What’s got into you and what made you do such things?’ But I already knew it was his friends that kept forcing him. No matter how hard I tried, he wasn’t ready to listen. He loved me but he loved his drugs even more. We passed the college; he didn’t get good marks like the ones in SLC, thanks to his useless peers. Our relationship had already lasted its five years when I got his phone call one morning. ‘Ziya, can you please meet at umm… 2 pm. today? Its emm… sorta uhhh…. important’ He told me the place; his voice somewhat sad and confused.

When I saw him, I noticed that his eyes were a bit puffy probably because of crying (?), he finally spoke, ‘Ziya, I know you love me and you know that I love you too but I can’t leave doing drugs. I know you don’t like such things and I don’t want you to ruin your life because of me. You can do so much with your life and well...I think it’s time for us to split up.’ Never in my wildest dream had I thought he’d say that, it was so unexpected. Because of spending so many years with him, I could tell from his face that he was hiding something from me. I wondered what made him say that- why did he think so? ‘But Suhit, we can at least try....’ ‘No, it’s too late. I want to leave you.’ He said he thought it would be better if I find another guy. ‘What the heck’ I thought ‘He can leave me for the stupid drugs- why not the other way round?’ I was still dazed from the unpredicted breakup and sad shock when I reached home, I cried until late night. That was it, since that day we hadn’t seen each other but we sometimes used to talk on phones. My friends said that he was getting worse each day- drugs!

So it was this day that I saw him again- he really did look very different and so thin; does he even eat anything? It was palpable for me to feel sorry for him no matter how much he’d hurt me- I know he’d hurt himself even more. The traffic light turned green, Suhit was about to reach the other side of the road when a big truck (that came by breaking all the traffic rules) ran over him. The vehicle which was perhaps being driven by a drunkard disappeared from the scene and my previous lover lay on the road; his head near a pool of blood. The pedestrians gathered around him, I soon came to know by the hullabaloo that he was dead. My head awhirl (as I’d never seen an accident in my life before and today I saw one, that too of a beloved person) I started my car and drove off. No, I possibly couldn’t stand seeing him lying motionless- dead. I found my eyes wet, I wiped those unworthy, shameless tears. My cell phone rang, it was my school friend Julia, ‘Hey Ziya, Suhit just phoned me; guess what? He’s no longer on drugs. And…. he wants me to convince you to meet him for dinner at 7.30 this evening. Don’t worry about Liam and-’. ‘I just saw him get killed in an accident, Julia’ I interrupted her. ‘He’s… ummm… no more’. I completed the sentence with a heavy heart and switched my mobile off though I could hear my friend stuttering at the other end. I knew she only wanted to have a bit of fun on the first day of April. But it wasn’t the best time- no, not a good time at all…

-mizla

Trying to write a poem...

2010-03-01T12:29:00.003-08:00

Music blaring from everywhere,
Yet I try to lose myself
In peace and tranquility
Nah! Doesn’t help….
As I can’t find silence!

Drowning, drifting away
From my reality,
I come to realize I’ve
Been hiding from my creativity

So I grab a pen and a paper,
Sitting by myself,
Trying to direct my mind
To my heart and memories within.

I’m not talented- I know,
But I feel as if I’ve
Lost whatever little
Gift I’d had before.

With the pen and paper
Still clasped in my little hands,
I try to write my emotions
Nah! Doesn’t help….
I’ve become numb!

My mind goes blank,
I get upset- bored
Staring at a white sheet,
I then try to hear
The hopeless loud music

-mizla

Fate

2010-03-01T12:29:00.001-08:00

As soon as the baby was born,
She cursed the fates-
Both hers and her young son’s
For she knew…

She knew
It would have been better
To have never been born
Than live a life like hers.

Struggles, pain, whips and razors,
Cruel laughter surrounded her
And she soaked in her own tears,
Yet no one was there to help.

What had she done that
She had to suffer like this?
Now the son will get the same.
Her son- so small, so angelic!

His eyes were still closed
He was learning to breathe smoothly.
The farmer came and snatched him away,
And the mother cow didn’t even get
To hear her little calf go ‘moo’….

-mizla

The rain story

2010-03-01T12:28:00.001-08:00

Laughing together in the heavy rain,

Both of them drenched

With clothes sticking to their skin,

The two were walking down the lane.

Both were smiling- two happy friends,

But they knew something was happening.

What were they feeling?

Does rain blossom lust?

Some sort of silly attraction

She was feeling towards him,

Water trickling down

His soft, pink lips.

‘This is wrong’, she told herself,

Yet guiltily she glimpsed at him.

The twinkle in his eyes did something

And she leaned forward to kiss him…

-mizla

So she sobs softly...

2010-03-01T11:56:00.001-08:00

Surrounded by nothing, in the still silence

She sobs softly, alone in darkness

Hating herself, for being unable

To control, her bubbling emotions

But glad, to be alone, as nobody sees

Her tears, as they fall quickly to the ground

And are sucked up by the hungry soil

No one hears the small gasps of air

She takes every now and then

For they are lost, in the howling wind.

‘Never cry’, they tell her always

For it’s a shame and crying is painful.

Yet tonight, she’s there sobbing gently

Letting all those emotions flow

And she’s finding the act soothing

Where’s that pain in this?

Tired of putting on a brave face.

To seclude herself, she’s here in this place

She’ll go back smiling once she’s done

Embarrassed? Well, nobody saw her crying…

-mizla

Me without you

2010-03-01T11:55:00.000-08:00

Along with you, a part of me has gone

Everything may have remained the same

Yet to me, they have all changed.

Perhaps it’s I who’s different now

But I blame you for this- you know

I am not myself without you.

With you gone, future seems bleak

And my life is a big nothing

I am waiting for my turn to perish

Would have killed myself

If only suicide wasn’t a sin

Not only have you left me

You’ve given me those sleepless nights

No matter how hard I try,

And how tired I may be,

Sleep remains a few inches away

And when I’m finally ready to sleep

I see it’s already a new morning...

-mizla

Honey, Goodbye

2010-03-01T11:54:00.002-08:00

He knows he has hurt me again,

His eyes say it all.

But this time it hurts badly

So I won’t fake a smile.

As if waiting for me to say

‘Never mind honey, I’m okay,’

He looks at me steadily

But this time, I won’t say it.

I’d rather let my tears flow.

Let him see I’m wounded.

Call me weak or say, I’m silly

I just don’t care anymore.

I’m tired of putting on a brave face

And this, I’ll let you know.

Have waited long enough for you

But you never changed for me.

So today, I’ll let you go away

Actually, I, myself, will walk out

I’ll let you stand like this-

Speechless and guilty.

You never were good enough for me

But I always wanted you to be

Gradually, I’ll fade away from your life

And I know you’re going to miss me...

-mizla

And if I say I love you..

2010-03-01T11:54:00.001-08:00

Ashamed of what I was thinking

I used to shake my head refusing

To share what was going inside it

When you said ‘tell me, please’.

Silently, I used to imagine (only imagine

For I was too scared, too embarrassed

To say it), if only!

If only you could see it and feel it too.

But if you could, what then?

What would happen? But again,

What if you didn’t understand?

If I actually look straight

Into your eyes and say ‘Hey, I love you’

And keep a serious face

So as to prove that I’m not lying.

What would you do?

Would you laugh it off and stay

As if nothing had happened?

Or would you tell me you had to think

And walk away- never to return?

Wouldn’t you smile and say,

‘I always knew and yeah, I love you too.’

And perhaps plant a sweet little kiss?

Enough of thinking and wondering now!

Guess, I’ll have to share it someday (before it’s late!)

So why not today? I’m not prepared but I’ll never be!

Don’t care about ‘what ifs’ anymore.

I’ll say it today and well, let you think about it!

-mizla

Cold Blooded Horrors! PETA VIDEO

2010-03-01T04:27:00.001-08:00

Fur Coats: The Brutal Truth. GRAPHIC

2010-03-01T04:19:00.001-08:00

Rendezvous in Another Realm

2010-03-01T04:09:00.000-08:00

I watched him struggle in hospital for existence,
It was the only thing I could do.
Couldn’t really feel his pain but still I knew
How it must have hurt- excruciating
There was no escape but death
And this, we both knew.
He’d admit the truth and so had I
But it was hard to say goodbye.

It was time, god was calling him,
I went close and hugged him tight.
‘We’ll meet again. Have patience, babe.
The next time we’re together,
I’ll be healthy more than ever
For the rendezvous will be in heaven-
The kingdom of God!
Flowers and fairies, happiness everywhere.
Till then darling, I’ll miss you.’
Said he and went far away.

My man never forgot them, his promises,
And I know he won’t forget the ones he said,
For they were the last ones I heard before he went.
With a heavy heart but still happy
As he had to suffer no more,
I let him go.
I let him enter the faraway kingdom.
The kingdom ruled by God, himself.

Yes, we’ll meet again in God’s golden garden
Where there’ll be cupids and angels
A lovely place with no pain to touch you.
No, there’ll be no grief up there
For we’d be pure, we’d be true.
There is where we’ll live forever
In beautiful heaven, dear God, hear me today,
Take care of my beloved husband
Until you call me too, up there.
Take his care until I join him in your realm.

-mizla

'Grace': peta2's Thanksgiving Ad

2010-03-01T03:43:00.000-08:00

Free Me

2010-03-01T03:38:00.001-08:00

Sleeping Dead

2010-03-01T03:29:00.000-08:00

He lies below this ground today,
Only yesterday did I watch him sleeping
Perhaps he’s also sleeping now
But this time I can’t see him breathing
His stomach moving up and down
While he takes fresh gulps of air
Through his small, soft nose.
All the things that I used to notice
I’ll see them no more.

He’s right under this dark soil,
Perhaps he can hear my silent thoughts,
Perhaps he can feel my freely-flowing
Tears as they softly hit the ground…
My beautiful, poor, little puppy
I wish you could see how sorry I am,
I can do nothing to resuscitate you
Though I am longing to see you move again
If only that truck had never run over you…

-mizla

A lil' abt myself!

2010-03-01T03:26:00.000-08:00

Hello everybody!!!

Let me introduce myself... I’m glad I was named Mizla Manandhar; ‘Mizla’ means flame in Newari. I am an 18 year old who is really really compassionate about animal issues: vivisection, live-skinning, murdering them for meat and emm... well everything related to animal cruelty. I’m a peta2 member and a proud ‘vegetarian-planning-to-be-a-vegan’. I am pretty much involved in signing petitions and all other sort of ways to raise awareness among those who don’t know about animal cruelty. I believe ‘the world needs more love and compassion’!

I love reading novels, day-dreaming, watching movies, sleeping, shopping, dancing, chatting and spending hours and hours on the computer! I also write short stories and poems although I don’t enjoy analysing the poetries in my GCSE English course esp. Seamus Heaney’s because the description of his barn, naturalist and experiments don’t really interest me. Okay- I’m going off-topic here...let me get back to myself again. My favourite authors are Cecelia Ahern, J.K Rowling, Stephenie Meyer, Meg Cabot, Sidney Sheldon, Mary Higgins Clark and there are a few more. I don’t have a particular fave singer but here are some of my favourites: Owl City, Cobra Starship, Switchfoot, Avril Lavigne, Natasha Bedingfield, Ashlee Simpson, Rihanna, Black eyed peas, This Providence, The Maine, Panic! At the disco, The academy is and I love my friend Sajjan Raj Vaidya’s songs!

I’m currently doing BTEC Media in Harrow College, London. I guess that’s all for now- I’ll post more of my poems and stories after I post this introduction. Hope you’ll have a good time reading them!

xxx

Dad-blamed Dilemma

2010-03-01T02:46:00.000-08:00

They could hear the rustle of leaves as zephyr blew through the branches, birds chirping happily and their own shoes scrunching as they treaded upon the fallen autumn leaves, kicking up colors into the wind. They felt like they could go on walking like this, deeper into the wood forever. Jared broke the noisy silence, ‘So did you do it?’

Greet smiled at him as she relived the previous evening when she told them about her decision to get married. Her father had seemed to be literally shocked but his reaction did not surprise her: he was always a bit over-protective about his ‘baby’. So when Sean said ‘What? We thought you two weren’t serious! I mean, you know- I thought it was just a emm… fling. How can you say you’re ready to settle down? You’re still a baby, Greety’, she actually laughed. Her father’s monologue went on and on until Leara, her mother, had interrupted him ‘Come on now darling, our baby’s already 26! We got married when we were only 25… Yes, I know times change but I know my daughter is prudent enough to choose what is good for her, honey. I’m so happy for you, Greet and I think we (the parents) should sit and have a little chat about the rituals now that you and Jared have already decided.’ She shot a furtive glance to her husband that made him smile sheepishly and he said ‘I keep forgetting Greet’s no longer a kid. I can’t believe my daughter’s actually grown up! I never thought I’d grow old this soon.’

Greet told Jared all this and concluded the reminiscence by telling him that it was now his turn to talk to his father. Jared smirked and revealed that he’d already done it- ‘Dad’s actually eager to meet them. I am sure our families will get along well though they haven’t met. I hope they’ll fix the date for the engagement almost immediately. Sooner the better, eh?’ Greet blushed and laid her manicured hand on her belly and thought about their little angel growing inside. Jared laughed and placed his hand on top of hers. ‘It’s gonna be all right’ he said and hugged her gently. They had both agreed on saying nothing about the pregnancy just yet- the baby was only a few weeks old anyway! The good news can wait…

‘Are you sure you’re pregnant?’ he asked again. ‘Yes, I’m very sure- I’ve checked more than five times, ok?’ came her irritated reply. He stared at her for a while and enquired once more ‘And you are positive that it’s mine- I mean I am the father?’ Cynthia looked hurt. ‘Well of course, you seriously don’t think I am promiscuous! I never thought you would call me a slattern’, she shouted and hastily he said ‘Hey babe, I never said anything like that. It’s just –you know- I wasn’t ready for this. Can’t you abort? I don’t know how all this happened’. He could see she was annoyed- ‘Oh of course you don’t how I got pregnant! You’re trying to shirk your duties as a father now- ha! Men! And no, I will not abort my baby’, she snapped and started crying. He didn’t fight back but simply told her that he needed time to think about this and that it didn’t seem a good idea to get married because they had just finished undergraduate. When he left the room, he could hear Cynthia still grumbling between sobs.

‘Doesn’t matter, dude. All you need to do is get the hell out of this city. As soon as the results are out, you pack your bags and leave this place. Till then, quietly suffer her tirade and pretend to make plans about marrying her’ he muttered to himself. Yes, he did love her but not so much to kiss his bachelorhood goodbye. He had a long way to go and come on, he was only 19!

So a few weeks later, when they got their degrees, he went away from the town and Cynthia who he hoped would never meet again. He got admitted in a university for post-graduate and soon started seeing other girls. Four years later, he found a lovely lady with whom he fell irrevocably in love. After exactly two years since they met, they exchanged their vows and promised to love each other for the rest of their lives. When he actually said goodbye to his bachelorhood, he was financially secure and there was no ghost from his past to haunt him. Everything was forgotten and his old secrets died within his heart. He neither met Cynthia again nor came to know that she had married a family friend who was in love with her ever since he was 11. The guy absolutely adored her and the fact that she was already carrying somebody else’s baby not in the slightest affected his feelings for her.

* * * * * *

A few days later, on a sunny Saturday, Sean and Leara were sitting with Jared’s father in their spacious living room. ‘…well, the news came rather as a bolt from the blue to both of us, Andrew. I mean we never thought Greet would be ready to settle down so soon but we are very happy that she and Jared found each other’, Sean was saying. ‘Yes, I too was quite surprised at first but now I can’t wait to see them as a married couple’, Andrew concurred and then smiled. The man looked quite uptight yet he was very friendly and had a good sense of humour. Somehow, the father and son look very different, Leara thought and said, ‘I say we should fix the dates right away, Mr. Patterson. They look lovely together and they’ve been going steady for years now’.

Greet entered the room with tea and shortbreads and pretzels; Jared following her sheepishly. ‘Emm… I was thinking if I could take Greet out for lunch while you are talking. Uhh…Can I?’ he asked awkwardly. Greet smiled at him and then turned to face her parents and Jared’s father who was grinning. ‘Sure Jared, but don’t take too long.’ Leara replied and winked at her daughter. ‘Thank you’, said Jared and Greet uttered ‘See you in a bit then’ and smiled nervously at Mr. Patterson. ‘So I was saying, we should fix the dates soon’, said Leara bringing the men back to the conversation. ‘By the way, what happened to Jared’s mother?’

‘She died a few months after Jared was born. My son has never known her.’ Seeing Sean and Leara exchange guilty glances, Andrew casually added ‘No, don’t feel sorry because you asked. As we are going to be a family pretty soon, you have the right to know. My wife knew there would be some complications; but she decided to go ahead with the pregnancy.’ He smiled. ‘I’ve gotten used to talking about this now. It’s been years since she passed away. But of course, a little pain lingers’

Sean looked at his wife and thought of something to say. ‘Well I am sure she’d be glad to see her son getting married. You didn’t get married again did you, Andrew?’ ‘Well no, I didn’t. I never liked the thought marrying twice. This belief is one of the very few things Jared’s taken after me’, the man chuckled. ‘Oh yes, Jared doesn’t look like you at all, Mr. Patterson! Maybe he takes after his mum’, Leara commented. Andrew fumbled in his pocket for something and while doing so he said ‘Actually, he isn’t my biological son. My wife was already pregnant when I married her. I never asked her who the father was! I didn’t really want to know. And whether he looks like his mother or not, you can see it for yourself. Here’, and he handed out the photo he’d taken out from his wallet to Leara. ‘Oh…. She is very pretty! I mean ‘was’- she was very pretty and yes, Jared does look like her’.

Leara handed the picture to Sean who gazed at it in shock. The photo was of a pregnant 19-year old Cynthia, staring right back at him.

-mizla